Summary: Iori stages an intervention.
It goes about as well as one would expect.
Brocon Intervention
Posted: 26/05/2022
Status: Completed
Author's note: This is just a silly thing I wrote in an hour max to poke fun at our favorite twins' strong brocon tendencies
I don't know if it's actually funny but it certainly isn't meant to be taken seriously
Hope you enjoy regardless
“Hm.” Riku starts, unsure, from his spot on the couch. In front of him is none other than his fellow teammate Iori, standing up with his hands behind his back and a stern expression. “What is this?”
“An intervention.” Iori states plainly.
“Ah, so you’re gonna lecture me again…” Riku sighs. “So, what did I do this time?”
“Stop whining. Anyway, this isn’t so much about what you’ve done, but rather about how you’re acting. Specifically,” he whips out his hands from behind his back, showing a piece of paper in his right hand, and a bunch of i7 and TRIGGER-themed stickers in his left, “this is about your brocon problem.”
“My bro— Iori, I already said I’m not a brocon!” Riku protests, but is quickly shushed by Iori, which infuriates him further.
“You fawn over Kujou-san every moment you can.”
“I’m just supporting him!”
“You even call him an angel!”
“Because he is one!”
“You’re proving my point! Anyway, This!” Iori shoves the piece of paper in Riku’s face. On closer inspection, there seems to be a long line drawn horizontally, and three small ones drawn vertically along it, looking much like a timeline of sorts. Although, the actual text written below the three smaller lines… “Is the ‘Brocon Scale’.”
Riku makes a face, knowing very well a lecture is underway.
“You have weird hobbies, Iori.”
“Shush. On this scale, there are three levels. To the very left,” he points to the vertical line on the left of the paper, “is ‘Normal sibling relationship’.” He takes two stickers, adorable, stylized renditions of Izumi Mitsuki and Izumi Iori, and sticks them both to the far left. “That’s where my brother and I are. Now, as you can see, there are two other levels. The one straight in the middle is ‘Pure brocon’—”
“Where your sticker definitely belongs…” Riku grumbles. Iori ignores him.
“And the one on the far right is ‘Straight up incest’. Now you see, you twins’ brand of brocon goes way beyond ‘Pure brocon’.” He says as he takes two more cutesy stickers, one of Nanase Riku and another of Kujou Tenn, and sticks them between the second and last levels. “And goes right into ‘Borderline incest’ territory, which is a huge problem!”
“You’re exaggerating, Iori. It’s normal for siblings to support each other!” Riku crosses his arms and pouts.
“It is, but you two go far beyond this. Your obsessive attachment for each other is unhealthy. Tell him, Osaka-san!”
Sougo, who’d just entered the living room to get himself a drink, squeaks when he’s suddenly addressed.
“W-What are we talking about? I’m sorry, I didn’t think I was concerned by your conversation, so I wasn’t listening. I’m sorry.”
“Iori says I’m too close to Tenn-nii!”
“I said that your mutual obsession with each other is unhealthy!”
“U-um…” Sougo chuckles awkwardly. Oh, dear. “Well, uh, I think it’s…sweet that you two are so close now, despite your…turbulent history.” Oh no, Iori-kun seems to be radiating some sort of dark aura. Quick, a diplomatic answer! “Ah, but it’s also important not to neglect your other relationships. Don’t forget us, okay? I’m sure everyone would be saddened otherwise.” He says with a gentle smile, trying to muster as much of that ‘big brother energy’ his fellow idols claim he has as possible, even though he’s an only child.
“O-of course not! I love everyone here after all, I’ll make sure nobody is lonely!” Riku exclaims, his bright eyes shining with earnestness. “Even Iori.” He adds as an afterthought.
“Hey! What’s with that tone!”
“Eeeeh, but Iori is so naggy sometimes…”
“N-naggy?! Why, you—”
Sougo takes advantage of the fact his younger team members are once more distracted to flee the scene as discreetly as possible, then lets out a deep sigh of relief once he’s away from ‘danger’.
As usual, the iDOLiSH7 dorms are quite lively today.
Meanwhile, in the shared TRIGGER apartment…
Gaku politely knocks on Tenn’s door and, when he gets a distracted hum as an answer, invites himself in. Inside the room, he can see Tenn, sitting on his bed, watching what appears to be one of iDOLiSH7’s lives on his phone. He’s wearing a Nanase-themed shirt, and is hugging a red pillow with Nanase’s face printed on it. On his nightstand, Gaku can see more Nanase Riku merch, going from pins to stickers to various stationery.
Underneath all that merch, he can also see what looks like a perfectly normal photo album, although he knows it’s actually filled to the brim with childhood photos of Tenn and Riku.
“Dinner’s ready.” He tells Tenn simply, pointing a thumb behind him.
“Sure. I’ll be there in a bit.” Tenn nods, never once looking up from the video he’s watching. Gaku shrugs and leaves Tenn’s room.
Sure enough, it only takes Tenn one minute to arrive at the dinner table, dressed in his normal clothes. He doesn’t mention the scene Gaku saw, and said man doesn’t mention anything either.
Briefly, he considers having an intervention for Tenn and his…slightly excessive attachment to Nanase, but ultimately decides against it. Knowing Tenn, Gaku would likely find himself publicly crucified, and he would like to stay both alive and unharmed, thank you very much.