Summary: Shizuo wasn't jealous.
Izaya, on the other hand, was another story altogether.
Jealousy
Posted: 21/06/2021
Status: Completed
Author's note: i'm on a roll it seems
Despite what some people would expect from his delinquent appearance and way of holding himself, Shizuo was neither possessive nor jealous. In his mind, it was simply a fact that he and Izaya were each other’s, and he had no reason to doubt that.
Even when Izaya was hanging around entire flocks of teenage girls, buttering them up with sweet words and listening to their wiles despite not caring a single bit about them, Shizuo wasn’t jealous. Sure, he found it weird, and he didn’t understand Izaya’s need to surround himself with “followers” who did his bidding, but so long as neither Izaya nor the girls were hurt, then, Shizuo decided, he wouldn’t intervene.
Izaya also tended to get many confessions, from girls and guys alike, but, once more, Shizuo didn’t get jealous. He knew Izaya always declined them. They were way too “normal” for his tastes, after all.
And when Izaya disappeared who-knows-where doing who-knows-what and was unreachable? Some couples would suspect cheating, but Shizuo knew otherwise. He felt no jealousy. What he did feel, however, was worry . He had a vague idea of the places and people Izaya liked to frequent to build his information network, and Shizuo definitely wasn’t a fan of them.
But he wasn’t jealous.
Izaya, on the other hand, was another story altogether.
As much as people liked treating Shizuo like he was some kind of dumb-as-bricks delinquent who only thought about eating and fighting, he was no such thing. And, sure, he was aware that his temper was an issue he needed to work on, and he also knew he had some trouble at school, among other things, but that didn’t mean he was blind. Shizuo, for all his apparent brutishness, was very aware of other people’s feelings, no matter how well-hidden. Sometimes, it got overwhelming, but it was worth it, he thought.
Because he was one of the few people who could tell exactly how Izaya was feeling, behind his carefully-constructed masks.
Shizuo noticed how Izaya’s hand would tighten around his when someone who wasn’t part of their friend circle got a bit too close. He saw Izaya’s posture change and his eyes sharpen when some flustered student got the slightest bit too friendly with Shizuo.
He also knew that the first confession letter he had ever received in his locker disappeared mysteriously before he could open it. He had gone anyway, having seen the shy girl drop said letter in there earlier, and had turned her down gently.
She had smiled, then, a sad, but unsurprised smile.
“Then, those rumors about you and Orihara-kun…?”
”… Yeah.” His answer had been quiet, nervous, but his eyes had gone soft at the admission.
”… I see.” Her smile then had become more sheepish, and she let out a small giggle. “Then I guess I’m just no match, huh?”
She had wished him and Izaya happiness, and they had gone their separate ways.
He had gotten a few letters after this one, but none had disappeared like the first, the one responsible for the first’s disappearance seemingly satisfied with Shizuo’s reaction.
(That certainly didn’t stop him from feeling the same piercing gaze on him whenever he would go and meet any of them, though)
But Shizuo knew.
He knew Izaya wasn’t exactly jealous so much as incredibly insecure. Some deep fear of being thrown away manifesting into possessiveness. This, in turn, translated to tightened grips around his fingers, hostile glaring, and vanishing letters.
If he was honest, Shizuo wasn’t too sure how to deal with those insecurities. For someone like Izaya, who believed people were unable to tell the truth, simply telling him that he loved him and wouldn’t ever throw him away would only have the opposite effect.
And wasn’t that messed up? He had to wonder what sort of environment Izaya had grown up in to end up not being able to trust anyone’s words, not even his own. Add to that the fact the only family members he had ever mentioned were his sisters, and that he was gradually (and willingly) being eaten alive by the shadows of the city…it made for quite the dangerous cocktail.
But he would gladly jump blindly in that dangerous world, if it meant he could keep Izaya safe and (hopefully) happy.
It was all he could do. After all, what better proof of his devotion than to join him in his dealings with the Yakuza themselves?
(It didn’t mean he had to like it, though, damn shady Yakuza )